Monday, February 22, 2010

I LOVE my Husband

I LOVE my Husband!
I don't think I can say it enough- I know he get's uncomfortable when I can't stop saying it, but it is true. I love -YOU- Dan.
Although the process of adoption can be tough, it has brought out the best in Dan.
I can honestly say, who wouldn't want Dan as a Daddy? I think he is the best! As I was listening at our training, I couldn't stop reflecting on all of the wonderful things he does as a dad. I am so thankful that I don't have to feel insecure about this category. I can't be the dad, and thank goodness for that, I could never amount up.
Dan, you are the best, whether you get uncomfortable hearing it or not. I can't ever be thankful enough that you were sent to me. Thank you Heavenly Father, I wouldn't have found him without your help.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Adoption here we come

Just went to our Adoption Training today and last night and were enlightened greatly. Wow! To all those who have gone through the process of adoption, you are my new heroes.

The first day of training was completely overwhelming as they inform us we are basically trying to sell ourselves online, and it will be much like an online dating thing? Yikes! As we heard all of the other couples and the things that they had done so far and ideas of what to do to "sell" yourself out there...Dan and I were left feeling completely "UN-COOL."

Next day, went in feeling pumped for more knowlege and excited to hear more from those couples who we were beginning to build new relationships with, then got completely knocked off my seat when the panel of birth mothers started to share their stories of placing and the struggles and joys and the bitter sweet experiences that they have. I cried with them, and then kept going when they stopped, I just wanted to take each of them and heal their pain and make it all better. It absolutely broke my heart. I almost couldn't take in the last two, my tissues were shreds and my heart was shocked, hadn't cried like that for a really long time thanks to good emotional drugs.

I am tremendously greatful for the experience and I will forever be changed as my perspective for birth mothers and fathers has been completely enlightened. I feel these people are such special spirits to be able to be strong enough to go through this great hardship for the love of their child. I am left feeling like I can never whine or feel like I have any troubles again to call trials. I can't imagine anything that compares to their experiences.

I am so scared to get to this stage. I don't want to make anyone hurt like that ever, it breaks my heart. I just want to hold them and tell them everything will be okay, except I can't do anything, I feel completely helpless. I am so thankful for my Savior's sacrifice, he is the only one who can understand, and take the hurt and heal and bring peace. That was one thing that I was so thankful to hear each of the birthmother's say was the peace that they felt and the answers to prayers about the families that they placed their child with. I am thankful to have been able to go to this training to learn more and to get an idea of what is to come.

It looks like I will be spending a good chunck of my life in a constant prayer to get through this. I am so thankful for a sweet husband who held my hand and through the tears and put his arm around me and tried to comfort me when I drained my tears as we listened and ached for those who were sharing their hearts with us.